Lady Hobo

I have a dear friend who is an English professor, who also happens to be one of the funniest people I know. I haven’t talked to her super recently because she is flakey as hell, but I love her.

Rachel and I have often talked about collaborating on a book. Our working title is, “Lady Hobo.” I can’t remember our sub-title, but basically it is going to be an awesome book about living the high live on pennies per diem, AKA how to be a class act whilst secretly living in your car. If you saw my annual tax returns and knew how often I went on vacation, you would see that I am highly qualified in this arena.

And while I’m not currently living in my car, I am so poor. Frankly, working full time + renting an apartment = same amount of disposable income as being homeless + working part time [but with less free time / beach time]. Plus, there is the California government fucking me over with over $800 worth of tickets in one week. Fuck. Just fuck.

And I’m preparing to be even poorer [new job = less $$ + no being yelled / cursed at = hopefully worth it], and thusly, re-adopting some of the ridiculous habits of my poverty past.

I am starting to pilfer again.

I may be “borrowing” my roommate’s contact solution until Friday. And also his parmesan cheese.

And maaaayyybbeeeeeee, I took like six cupckaes from the employee break room today. Not only that, but I am going to call them muffins and eat one for breakfast every day for the rest of the week. There is .58 cents in my account, and I am three full days from payday. Luckily there is a bit of gas in my tank and a leeettle bit of food in my fridge, although I’m not sure either is a full three-days’ worth.

Of course, I can’t take anything major [I could go for a new laptop], but I’m also harboring a desire to steal shit from work [the old job]. I don’t know if it’s because I want to passive agressively stick it to the man, or because I’m so poor, I just want to hoard everything. Either way, I can’t think of anything to take except bull shit office supplies. I mean, post-it notes and paper clips? I could probably take a stapler or the new scissors we just got in. But man, I have scissors and a stapler and that’s dumb.

Basically, I am admitting that I am a desperate / dishonest person… just not a terribly creative theif.

[This phase of my life will be excellent fodder for my impending book.]

You may also like...

Leave a Reply